Never Forever
by orys
Summary: In which Regina regrets some things she had said, especially now she can't really make up for all of those harsh words anymore / Two-shot
1. Chapter 1

Regina was one of those mothers that understood the importance of a tradition. She and Henry had all of those little things they would do together for the holidays, for her days off, even for when one of them came down with the flu (which, thankfully, wasn't that often). Regina always forgot about these things once Emma Swan came into the picture. She had never gotten into any of the things mother & son did. Sometimes she never understood them, but most of the time, she was just lonely that she was excluded from everything. Though, Emma couldn't blame the mayor. They hadn't been dating for that long, anyway. She understood that it was going to take a bit for her to be accepted into all of their plans and thoughts.

On this night, though, Emma had a rather nasty chip on her shoulder after she tried to get into Regina & Henry's bedtime reading routine, but was pushed away by the brunette, the door slammed in her face. She felt rather alone in this relationship that was meant for three. Emma thought the whole point of family was to do things together or have some semblance of satire to show for it, but this family established all of it before she entered it. It was in stone, and she was like a threatening disease.

She had kept all of her emotions in, until Regina had come out of that room. "He's all tucked in," the older woman said, shuffling her way down the grand staircase. She had a hitch of happiness in her voice. Henry had wanted one of her favourite stories to be read to him, so she had no trouble getting really into it. Regina spotted her girlfriend in the living room, staring into the fire that was blazing at the farthest wall. Her stance made her look like she was a statue.

Without turning to face the woman coming into the room, Emma let out a loud exhale. "Am I ever going to be included in anything in this house, Regina?" She tried to make the words sound hurtful, but they only came out in a whining fashion. The mayor merely laughed in reply.

"Emma, dear, Henry & I were together longer than you & I. We have things that we do together that I'd like to keep just between us. He is my son, after all. I feel like you are over-dramatizing this whole thing. This is what families do, you know," Regina crossed her arms over her chest, staying between the threshold of the living room and the foyer, not understand why Ms. Swan was so angry over nothing she found even a bit upsetting.

"No, I don't know. If you recall, I never _had_ a family. And do not pull that bullshit. He's my son, too. He's more mine that yours. At least he's of my blood," Emma had finally turned, pushing her eyebrows together a little more to show that she was rather irate over this whole ordeal, but that didn't stop Regina from rolling her eyes in that ill-mannered fashion she always had. Emma continued anyway; "I just feel like I'm always the third wheel in this relationship. We should try to be a family and do family things for Henry. Not have you take him out for ice cream and you read to him and night & not me, too. Doesn't he feel any sadness over this? Or is this just your way of manipulating him into not loving me."

"You think I'm _brainwashing_ him? For God sakes, Emma!" Regina threw her arms up like she was trying to throw something heavy in the blonde's direction, as if by magic. "That's just your Foster Care Blame Game acting up once again. We seem to have these types of arguments a lot. What you need to understand is: Henry and I had all we needed before you came along. I'm sorry you feel excluded, but that's just the way it is right now. Maybe if you were home more instead of at that damn station all the time, he'd want to let you in on some of the things we share." She hissed those words out like they were a personal attack. She hated that Emma cared more for her job than for her girlfriend and their son. Regina just wished she could burn that fucking station to the ground.

The sheriff laughed, not out of humor, but of annoyance, "I have people to arrest and forms that need worked on and missing children & pets to find! Not all of us have the luxury of working from home just like you. I want time with him, too."

"And you get it, dear." Regina was using that condescending tone. The tone that Emma loathed.

"Not like you. Not _with_ _you_. It feels like we're not actually together. It's more like we're just living together and he splits his time between both of us. Though you get most of it. I get stuck sitting here watching TV all by myself because you need your precious bonding time with him. You've had him for eleven fucking years, Regina. When do I get my turn?" Emma tried to soften the volume of her voice so she didn't wake the boy, but it was a little too hard. She was so angry at this whole ordeal, it was getting absolutely ridiculous.

"Maybe this is like it is because you just don't play well with others. There must be a reason why all of those families gave you back. It's not always the parent's fault when they send the child back into the system. I'm sure you were no saint. You've never belonged anywhere long enough to have any kind of traditions. No one's ever wanted you long enough to make any." Her words felt like a sword cutting through the blonde's chest. Regina had regretted them the moment they crossed her lips, but she dare not take them back. She didn't want to seem vulnerable to an even worse attack.

"Fuck you," was all Emma could mutter, slamming her shoulder against Regina's as she left the room, going upstairs and into their bedroom, shutting the door loud enough that the mayor swore she could feel the house vibrate. This must mean that she had to sleep on the couch in her own house. She huffed at the thought.

* * *

Regina looked at the clock that hung on the wall above the fireplace. Three hours of tossing and turning landed her at two o'clock in the morning. She was tired, but she couldn't sleep. She couldn't forget that thing she said to the woman she claimed to love. It was heat of the moment; Regina never liked to be yelled at. Not after all she had to go through to get out of those exact behaviors from her mother and her "King". Her past. She couldn't say she didn't deserve it though. Nasty things were said. She didn't mean any of it, but she wasn't quick enough to apologize in the time that it happened. The hurt in Emma's eyes, the defeat, was all she could see when she closed her own.

She struggled internally with the thought of staying on the uncomfortable leather or trudging back upstairs to at least try the doorknob. Maybe Emma hadn't locked it. She had decided on the latter, pulling the hem of her night gown down from it's position on the upper half of her thigh. Regina climbed the stairs, slowly, careful not the wake Henry at least. She was hoping Emma would be up as well as she was.

She reached the landing, shivering a bit at the change of temperature on the second floor of her home. Regina waited a second or two before wrapping her hand around the silver knob on the dark wooden door, turning it and sighed happily that it was, indeed, unlocked. Once she had gotten in and closed the door behind her, she padded carefully to her side of the bed, which was still made. The brunette pulled the comforter and sheets back, sliding into the space that was hers. It felt a helluva lot better than that shitty couch.

Regina had snuggled in as best as she could, getting warmer by the second. The irregularity of the breathing beside her made her realize that, yes, Emma Swan was up, she just wasn't making that presence known.

"I'm sorry." Were the first words that were said after the silence had droned on for more than five minutes. Regina had spoken them, her voice soft; she had moved her body so that she faced Emma's back. Her hands moved delicately over the blonde's spine, over her brown tank top. She was surprised when the younger woman's frame didn't move away from her touch. "I know," she whispered as she continued, not really knowing if Emma was paying any attention or not, "I know that.. you had a bad childhood. I'm sorry for bringing that up. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't be so defensive and possessive over everything.." She was only acknowledged with a rather loud exhale. "Please, Emma.. please say something."

The blonde had waited, thinking over what words she wanted to say, and how she wanted to say them. She kind of felt like an actor, rehearsing her lines for a very important part, but she seemed to have forgotten most of the words. Regina apologizing was all she wanted, she had wanted something that was sincere and thoughtful. She hated how Regina had played to that spot. The spot of no one ever keeping her as a child. Even when she did all of the right things, stayed out of trouble, never spoke up against the hands that came down on her soft pale skin, she was never good enough. Even as an adult, she still felt that way. She felt like everything in her life was one big joke, but then she met Henry & he brought her to Regina, everything seemed to set into place. It kind of made her sad that they were always fighting despite all of the 'I love you's that were thrown around when they were in bed together. Emma opened her mouth, inhaling just a bit of clean air before raising her voice a bit so Regina could hear:

"That was such a rotten thing to say to me. You know how fucked up my childhood was. You know that's the whole reason why I'm distant to you and you never seem to understand why I get that way again every time you bring it up. You make me feel like you don't even _want_me. It makes me feel like I'm a worthless piece of shit. I've felt that way my entire life, Regina. That's all I'm meant to be, I guess. I can't even make the woman I adore and hold dear ever happy with me."

This had pained Regina to the point where she wrapped her arms tightly around Emma's waist, pulling her so close that her nose was nuzzled against the back of the sheriff's neck. "I know I promise never to hit below the belt," she started, feeling a lot more relaxed when she felt Emma's hands graze her own, "I'll try to be better for you. You really don't deserve any of this. I don't even know why you decided to be with me in the first place; not after all I've done to you." She absentmindedly tightened her grip on the other woman, feeling like this was the first time they were embracing all over again.

"Because I love you. I think you are so beautiful and.. I know you're a handful sometimes - don't deny it - but I put up with that and all in between because I just care so much for you. I know things never worked out that much before when you were younger, with love. I just want to try my best to be good for you. I'm sorry, too," Emma laced her fingers with Regina's slowly, squeezing her hands ever so lightly, like they were made of glass and they could shatter any minute, "I shouldn't get so mad over things I can't control. You had him longer than me. It's only natural you have things with him you want to protect."

Regina kissed the smooth skin of Emma's neck, smiling against it,"I love you, too. We can both try to be better. We will get past all of this, just you wait and see. Henry will be proud of the both of us."

* * *

Morning had come throughout Storybrooke, the sun's rays shining through the open blinds and onto the mayor's face. She flinched with first contact at the light, stretching her arm out to caress the body beside her, but she opened her eyes when she felt no body, only cold sheets. Regina thought over what had happened last night; even with the making up, could Emma still be mad at her? _I'd be mad at myself too_.

She had showered and gotten dressed before making her way downstairs. There were some dishes in the sink, and a note on the counter. Regina figured that wherever Emma went, she decided to take Henry to school and leave her with dishes to do. Though Regina just considered that a small slice of punishment for her harsh words the night before. She walked over to the small slip of paper, moving it with her fingertips to read the messy, sprawled out words that she knew where Emma's:

_Regina: I'm sorry I'm going so early. I forgot I had just a small amount of paperwork to do that was due in an hour, plus duty. I'll be home at my usual time, then maybe we could all do something together as a family. Maybe we could take a nice hike through the woods? I hear the weather is supposed to be pleasant this afternoon. Love, Emma._

The brunette smiled and picked up the note, holding it to her chest for just a brief second before sticking it on the fridge, under a magnet in the shape of a heart. She laughed at how oddly romantic this whole thing was. Though she had to wait until Emma got off work, they were going to spend time together, actual time as a family without Regina getting angry or Emma getting heartbroken. Things were looking up after all and she was so glad that they did. She didn't know how much more of this she could have taken.

* * *

Regina had went about her way how she always did normally. She had cleaned the rooms of the mayoral mansion, did the laundry, and tidied up the cabinets in the kitchen. She had expected Henry to be home a few minutes ago, as he always burst through that door around the exact same time everyday. Maybe he was just walking a bit slower today and maybe he was finally making some friends. The whole idea of Henry having friends made Regina grin from ear to ear. She always wanted him to be happy, but, more importantly, she just wanted him to be with kids his own age and not slumping around with his mothers; sometimes Regina & Emma wanted time alone as well, which was always so hard to come by. That might be why all of these arguments had started.

As she was scrubbing the last and final step of her grand staircase, the front door had opened. A rather excited little boy flew into the house, quick enough that he had forgotten to close the door. Regina looked up when she felt the cooling breeze on her calves. "Henry. The door."

"Oh," the child chuckled a little, "Sorry, Ma." He went over and closed it quickly, still smiling in that way that reminded Regina so much of his biological mother. Him and Emma had the same teeth. The same shape of the lips. The same quirky look to a such simple act. She was staring and Henry waved his hand in front of her face, "Did you get her note?" Regina jumped a little at his voice.

"Emma's? Yes, I did," Regina grinned down at the boy, reaching out and shoving a brown stray strand of hair behind his ear.

"She forgot to put on the note that she said she'd be home early, then we can go out and have family time!" Henry seemed so enthusiastic as he ran up the stairs. Regina had missed that so much in him. Good thing the only thing he didn't get from Emma, was her pessimism; she feels like that would've been overkill.

* * *

It was going on five, way past the time Emma should have been home. The brunette was trying to call her girlfriend's phone, but all she got was the voice-mail. Maybe she had just gotten caught up in whatever she was doing. Maybe she was helping a poor little cat out of a tree or helping some old lady with her gardening. She knew Emma wasn't the type to be so generous to people, but this town had changed her. She said it herself.

There was a knock at the door, taking her out of her reverie. Her mind was going through who it could be behind the thick wood, but she wasn't all that shocked to see the long-haired waitress. Ruby had always come over to see Emma. "She's not here," Regina said before the other girl opened her mouth. It was only then that she noticed the tears that were forming in Ruby's eyes.

"Regina." The pain in Ruby's voice when she said the older woman's name made Regina rather curious. What thing could turn the waitress she knew who was never let down in any way into a blubbering mess like this? She didn't have to ask, for she got her answer rather quickly. "Something happened to Emma. She.. she's not coming home.."

It took a minute to sink in. The thought of Emma being gone permanently from her life was not something she ever wanted to think about. Was this really true? Is this how it was all supposed to happen? She felt like all of those months of gaining her true love were a waste. Regina leaned against the door frame; it felt like her legs were going to give out any second.. maybe they already had. Her eyes searched the ground below Ruby's feet, letting the water brim the bottom of them. She didn't want to cry here. Not in front of Ruby, nor the boy that was sailing down the stairs just a few seconds after. He didn't understand why everyone was so upset, not when good things were finally starting to happen for his family. Henry was stopped at the foot of the stairs, watching the silent tears stream down the younger woman's face and the ever so elegant bob of his mother's shoulders.

"What happened?" The softness in his voice made Regina hiccup louder. She didn't know what to tell him, she didn't know how to put this in a gentle way. She just wished that it wasn't now that this had happened. Why couldn't it have been a time when the boy was out, frolicking and being a kid, not having to deal with the tears that were now pouring down her face, or the thought that he was, again, going to grow up without Emma in his life. Though, most of all, she just wished she had more time with the blonde. Even one year felt like it was never enough. No matter what the time, it was _never_going to be enough for Regina.

"Sweetheart," she wiped her eyes quickly before walking over to him, leaving Ruby in the doorway by herself as she knelt down in front of her son. Her and Emma's son. Emma's blood. She placed her hands on his arms, holding them tight as if he would float away the very instant her grip would loosen, "Let's go on that hike, okay?" She squeezed his arms gently, before letting them go.

"Without Mom?" She heard the worry. Maybe he knew what was coming. He must have known the answer considering he flinched as soon as Regina had opened her mouth:

"Yes.. without Mom."


	2. Chapter 2

They had fallen asleep in a tangle of arms and legs. Emma had been peppering her girlfriend's face with such gentle kisses, to stop her from constantly muttering how sorry she was for her comments hours before. Regina had said some rather nasty things to her before this very argument. She had even been slapped before for yelling back at the brunette. She had things thrown at her and she even had to deal with Regina's incessant rambling over how she could rarely do things right. This kind of relationship would have pushed someone else over the edge. Not Emma. She knew under that fiery facade that there was a woman who could be the sweetest thing ever. You just really had to look for it.

Of course she did hate when Regina played the bitch card - which was pretty often - Emma just thought it was because the mayor didn't know that anyone could love her for how she was. The blonde always felt like she was being tested when Regina would pull out the frustrating sighs and the rude remarks. But she stayed. She stayed because that's what she knew Regina wanted, even if she never wanted to admit it out loud.

* * *

Emma had awoken to the sound of her cell phone buzzing. She sighed a little at the timing; though the sun was coming up, she felt like it was just too early to have to get up. Whatever happened to getting to sleep in? Fingers ran quickly through her hair as she sat up, carefully, as to not wake up that peaceful sleeping form beside her. Emma reached over and ran her fingertips gently down Regina's back, lingering for just a second before getting out of the bed. Her phone was still buzzing pretty intently and she sighed; once she had made it over to the dresser, she picked it up and pressed a button before bringing it to her ear.

"Emma?" Ruby's voice was rather loud and very full of energy, even this early in the morning. How did she do it?

"Yeah?" Emma whispered, nudging the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she pulled open one of her designated drawers, rummaging around for clothes to wear for the day ahead.

"Did you get those papers done for Ms. Ginger? She's been bugging me since yesterday." She swore she could _hear _Ruby's annoyed eye-roll.

The sheriff pushed the drawer closed with her hip, sighing at the other girl's question. She had forgotten to work on those before she came home last night; now she had to get them done before eight, as Ms. Ginger said she'd be there at that precise hour. Not a minute more, not a minute less. Emma hated that about that woman. She was always punctual.

"Shit, no. I came home early yesterday because I promised I'd help Regina with dinner," Emma closed the door to the bathroom behind her with a quiet click.

"She's going to kill you, Emma," Ruby tried not to laugh, she loved it when sheriff always forgot such simple things. When she remembered them it made her feel like maybe she was a helpful deputy after all. "It's already seven. You're going to get your ass handed to you when she comes in and they're not done. I'm not saving you this time." Ruby smiled when she recalled walking in on Ms. Ginger shouting at the blonde, her arms wide like she was going to swoop down and carry Emma off to be the food for her little bird babies.

"And I sit here and wonder why I still have you working for me," Emma joked, smiling when she heard Ruby's playful scoff. "You know, if she calls you one more time, tell her they will be done. I'll see you when I get there; make sure to bring coffee." She disconnected and set the phone onto the counter by the sink, moving it a few centimeters so it didn't fall off the edge. Emma got dressed and washed her face. She pulled a brush through her hair before putting it up, pulling on it tight so the band stayed in place.

Once Emma was ready, she stuffed her phone into the back pocket of her jeans, opening the door and leaving the bathroom. She went back over to the bed, smiling at how Regina had moved from her side, stretching out in the middle of both, her arms clutching one of Emma's pillows rather tightly. She must have been having a bad dream. The sheriff walked over and bent down, placing a soft kiss on Regina's cheek. "I'll see you later tonight," she whispered, smiling against her girlfriend's skin. No matter all of the shit she had to go through, she loved that woman to no end.

* * *

She was shocked to see that Henry was downstairs, reading through that fairytale book he kept glued to his side. Sometimes Emma wished that she had something like that when she was a child, maybe all of the thoughts of princes and dragons and damsels in distress would have perked her up a bit. She never had any hope during those times in her life. They seemed like a swirling dark pit in her mind that she never wanted to speak of again.

"Hey, Mom," that brown-haired boy perked up when she entered the kitchen, "Why are you up so early? Are you gonna take me to school?" He ask between bites of an semi-burnt toaster waffle. He never saw his mother up this early, especially on a day that he knew she didn't have to work that long.

"I had some things to do down at the station, but I'd love to take you to school," she ruffled his hair as she passed, "Don't be so loud though, you're mom's still sleeping." Emma had went into the freezer and pulled out the box of waffles, taking two out and shoving them into the toaster that was on the counter. She didn't really feel like cooking, though that could be because she didn't want to deal with the fire department again. Henry had smiled widely at her comment. She just knew he didn't want to walk in the freezing air.

He had stuffed down is last waffle the same time Emma finished both of hers. She grabbed his plate and placed them both into the sink, knowing the ranting she was going to come home to about not leaving dirty dishes in the sink. The blonde rolled her eyes at the thought, but she was already fifteen minutes behind schedule she wasn't going to waste her time doing two little dishes and Regina could just do when she got up. Emma had grabbed a pen and one of the notepads off the refrigerator, thinking about what to write before she scrawled the words in one quick motion;

"_Regina: I'm sorry I'm going so early. I forgot I had just a small amount of paperwork to do that was due in an hour, plus duty. I'll be home at my usual time, then maybe we could all do something together as a family. Maybe we could take a nice hike through the woods? I hear the weather is supposed to be pleasant this afternoon. Love, Emma_"

"C'mon, kid, let's get going." She ripped the note off the pad, sticking it back onto the fridge in one smooth motion, "If I don't have too many things to do today, I'll be home before three." Henry let out a sigh of happiness when he hopped off the chair.

* * *

Emma had been sitting at her desk for six hours, no moving, no stretching, nothing. She thought being a sheriff she'd get to go out and do things to help people, at least. That must not have been the case for today. Her hand was starting to ache from the mountains of paperwork on shoplifters and lost pets. Since it was nicer outside, all she wanted was to be out and about. She didn't care if she had to go onto someone's roof to retrieve a lost frisbee. Emma had dropped the pen like it was scalding hot after her last sentence, stretching out her fingers rather wide, wincing when she pulled her ring finger a little too hard.

It was going on two o'clock and she threw her arms up in thanks. Finally the time had come for her to get to go home and that was literally all she wanted right now. She kicked back the chair and got up, reaching over and closing the open folder that was on her desk. Stacking up the papers neatly, she grabbed the keys that were beside them, whistling a very happy tune as she left the room. If anyone needed anything else, they could just get her on her phone. But then, it better be an emergency.

She locked the door to the station, moving her hips only slightly to the beat that repeated itself in her head. Emma was absolutely certain she was going to be showing Regina even more moves tonight after Henry went to bed. She smiled at the thought, walking to her bug. The engine clunked a bit when she started it, but she wasn't worried one bit, since it always did that ever since she got it. Ten years and it wasn't dead yet. She was only glad she really hadn't had to replace anything other than the windshield wipers yet.

Emma decided to go the back way today, since it was quicker than going all the way through town and stopping at the various lights and signs. She was still rather surprised at the fact there were still so many leaves on the trees, speckled red and yellow and orange as the sun shone through the barren parts. It was late fall already and she couldn't hardly believe it. She could still feel the prickling heat of summer on her bare shoulders as she did her work around town, even the time when it was rather hot & when she abandoned her boots for flip-flops, much to Regina's disgust and complaints of having to look at the chipped nail polish on her girlfriend's toes every single day. Emma chuckled when she could still remember Regina grabbing her bare feet, propping them on her lap as she repainted them without ever having to be asked. "You look like a homeless person," as all she said as she blew on the newly painted toes.

She kept the speed limit, watching the trees pass through the window. It was slightly hypnotic along with her daydreaming, her lips moved up into a smile. Everything was right and everything was okay. Things were moving up for her and for Regina, more importantly, for Henry. Maybe it was the best thing that he had come for her in Boston those years ago. Her wish had come true.

The blonde had been broken from her thoughts when she saw the deer. Her eyes had widened as she swerved to miss it, but she turned the wheel too fast, causing the car to skid along the road in a sideways manner. This is exactly what had happened when she almost ran into that wolf, she noted to herself. This time, however, it didn't end with her running into any kind of sign, but a tree and harder than she had expected.

* * *

Ruby had been the first one to the accident, noting that it was, in fact, Emma's pretty little bug slammed up against that tree. She widened her eyes and let a few rather weird sounded noises slip out between her lips as she struggled to get the seat belt off that bonded her to her seat. Scratching at the nylon with a little more force, she finally got free, stumbling off the road and into the forest where the car had stopped. Her legs wouldn't let her move any further, she tried to force them, but they wouldn't go. Ruby had not seen sign of her friend anywhere, not moving, anyway. She just prayed that Emma was okay. That this couldn't happen to someone who had people had home expecting her.

Her hands clamped onto the driver's side handle of the bug once she made her way over there, trying desperately to pull it open, but it was locked. She had seen Emma, her head had been pushed into the steering wheel, a big gashing wound over her forehead. Her hands were crushed under her chest, in a way as to block herself from any further harm, but it must not have helped her in the slightest. Ruby didn't even have to be told, she figured out the blonde's status herself.

More people had arrived and so had an ambulance. Once the fire department had dislodged her from the vehicle it was already too late to do anything to bring her back. No one had volunteered to go tell the mayor that her girlfriend was gone, but Ruby felt like it was her duty. She was deputy after all. She let the thought slide around in her brain; what was she now? She had finally let go once she got into her own car, the tears coming down like a gushing waterfall. Emma was like her best friend. She never really had one of those in a long time, at least, not one who thought she was actually worth anything to society.

The drive to the mayoral mansion was short. Ruby had drove around the rest of the back way, wondering why Emma was so keen to take it. Though she realized the beauty of the trees and the road itself was worth it; well, _almost _worth it. She walked her way up to Regina's front door, the same door that she knew Emma could never go through again. Ruby couldn't get those thoughts out of her head, even when she knocked on the door with much more urgency.

Regina had told her that Emma wasn't home and with that, she cried harder. The mayor only looked confused at the expression on her face. When Ruby had told her the news, she could see the fear flash in the older woman's face. She watched her crumple up like a child when she fell over against the door frame, her own tears clouding her vision. Ruby wanted to pull Regina into an embrace, anything to calm her down or to make her sobs disappear.

Henry had come down, looking around like a lost little puppy, not knowing the slightest what was even happening. She had heard him ask the question of what was going on, she would have said so herself, but she felt like this was something his mother had to do. Regina had pulled away from the doorway, quieting herself as she went over to him. Getting on her knees in front of him, Ruby had heard her say something about a hike, nothing that she could understand. Regina's voice was low, her hands were wrapped around her son's arms; she must have been trying to bring him closer to her body, to hold him tight like how she couldn't hold Emma again.

* * *

She had only really told Henry what had happened after they had gotten back from their hike, only after she had went to the morgue to make sure she could see Emma one last time, even if that time was in a body bag. They knew it was her bug against the tree, they knew her hair and her jacket and everything else. Regina felt like she didn't even need to go identify her and cause herself anymore pain. She had broken down, something no one else had ever seen before, where they would watch it rather sad amusement at their mayor, the one as frigid as ice, the one that would always scowl at them with those haunting eyes, crying like a wounded child. She had no idea how to stop; she had sealed away all of these emotions after Daniel met his untimely end as well. This is why Regina had learned not to love, that it would only come back and hurt you. This felt like karma for all of the times she lashed out at the blonde, throwing mean glances her way and even digging her nails into her arms too hard when she was trying to make a point.

Regina had suffered that first night alone without Emma in her bed. It felt odd when she didn't feel the rising and falling of the blonde's body against her own. She hadn't slept at all, tossing and turning, pushing the cover down and pulling them back up. Regina felt so uncomfortable when she threw her hands onto Emma's side, only feeling emptiness. She missed the younger woman's incessant nighttime mumbling, the way her arms and legs would fly out when she had the sensation of falling, hell, she even missed Emma's snoring.

Maybe this was how it was supposed to end all along; when she was finally in love and hopeful that everything was changing.

There was a light knock on her door, barely loud enough to vibrate the wood underneath the tiny fist. She sat up, drawing the blankets closer to her chest as she reached up and wiped her eyes, just wishing that would make them less puffy and red, but it was no use. Henry didn't wait for his mother's say so before opening the door, coming in slowly and sitting on the edge of her bed. He had been crying too. Regina rubbed his back, careful not to look at his face, for she might start crying once again. She had heard him whimpering and sniffing into his pillow all night, his shoulders moving in sync to the sobs that took over his body. The mayor had wished she could take all of this pain away from him, and from herself. His eyes were just as red as hers, she noted, as he leaned into her, more into the light that shone through the doorway.

He turned in her arms, resting his head against her chest, feeling her heart beat increase, "I don't know why this had to happen.." Regina could feel her heart breaking all over again when his voice wavered at the end. She ran her fingers through his hair, slowly.

"Me neither," she whispered back, keeping him as close as she could without suffocating him in any way, "I wish it was me instead of her." She said the words quietly, more to herself than to him, but he looked up.

"I wish it was neither of you," he sounded rather hurt at the fact Regina said she'd rather be the one to be in that morgue. Shaking his head, he pulled away from her grasp, "I just wish we could have been a family for longer. I.. I know you loved her very much. I never saw you look that way at anyone else.. not even Graham." He sniffed a bit, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his pajama top. Even though he didn't like here a lot of the time and even though she was mean, he wanted his mother to be happy. He never saw her happy like how she was with Emma in the longest time.

There was a small silence as Regina soaked in his words. She remembered the first time Emma had told her she felt something between them, the way her lips moved in some hypnotic way that Regina's felt so lured to them, it was crazy. They had shared their first kiss in the brunette's kitchen, while Emma was there to pick up Henry for an outing they had planned. That moment, Regina felt different. She was upset when Emma tore their lips away from each other, blushing as she looked at her feet. She had been so embarrassed over what she had did that she didn't really notice the mayor kissing her back. They never really had a 'first' date, since they just spent them together with Henry. He had noticed his mothers becoming closer, never saying anything about it like one wrong word would make them really realize what they were both getting into.

The thoughts that poured into her head made her eyes prickle with fresh tears. No more kisses, no more subtle touches to tell the other they were still paying attention to all of the words that were lingering on between them, no more anything, really. Regina blinked, trying to hold back the water that was between her eyelids, but it was no use. She didn't even try to wipe them away, not when her arms were keeping her own son from falling apart, their embrace so tight that she felt like she was squishing the life out of him.

At least Henry was still here. At least she still had something that was a part of Emma.


End file.
